6 April 2002 (Saturday)

navigation

I am in over-thinking mode today. Feeling overly critical of myself and others and the whole human race in general. Mostly myself, though.

Maybe I'll feel better if I write about all the cool stuff I've done recently. A little resume set in a gilded frame to comfort the overachiever in me. But no, that would be humoring my pretentious side, and I'm not interested in that. Better just to go out and live. An old friend wants to go contradancing tonight, and right now the grass is singing in the sun.

I like maps: the terrain laid out as though I were flying overhead, waiting for me to decide where I want to dive for a closer look. I remember walking into Soren's room for the first time, back when we were barely friends, and wondering idly whether I'd ever become familiar with the objects contained in those four walls. Driving around apartment-hunting today, I had a similar feeling -- which one of these streets will be well-known to me, a year from now? What rows of trees and sidewalk curbs will imprint themselves in my memory, to conjure sweet pangs of nostalgia when I grow old?

posted by enjelani @ 04:58 PM PST [ link ]

5 April 2002 (Friday)

fashion sense

Got a haircut this afternoon, at a "real" salon this time, instead of the cheap drive-thru places I usually frequent. The stylist looked me up and down, from my parted-down-the-middle bangs-wandering-every-which-way tresses to my Velcro-fastened $8 sandals, and to my amazement merely smiled. The fashion police do have mercy sometimes. Particularly when they're taking your money, I suppose.

>> more...

posted by enjelani @ 07:25 PM PST [ link ]

4 April 2002 (Thursday)

optimism

It's a good day today. I've decided to move out of bland suburbia and into the city, one-hour commute be damned. My manager has finally assigned two more people to the project I've flailing with alone, which means for the first time at this job I have people looking to me to lead them. If I do this well, we could actually build something cool out of this semi-crap I currently have. I am sticking with the gym program for the fourth day in a row now, which is peanuts to you athletic types out there, I'm sure, but believe me, I deserve a scratch-n-sniff sticker for this. Also, my mother rocks my world, for no particular reason except that she's Mom.

And there is some wonderfully mushy-mushy romantic stuff going on between Soren and me, which I will spare you, because it would make you gag. But boy, our time together lately does make the eyes go starry. I am a lucky, lucky, lucky kid.

If all goes well, I may soon be able to break my silence on that mysterious life-change I alluded to a month ago. It may not be as dramatic as I originally thought, but still news worth sharing.

posted by enjelani @ 02:09 PM PST [ link ]

3 April 2002 (Wednesday)

oww

Not only do I have no arms, but they hurt like the dickens. Note to self: after lifting weights, do not sleep with arms pinned awkwardly under head all night. Now I look comical when I try to scratch my nose.

Does soymilk go bad if you leave it out for a day? Maybe I'll play it safe and go with rice milk over my organic granola this morning.

There, now you know what part of the country I live in. In case it wasn't already totally obvious.

posted by enjelani @ 10:51 AM PST [ link ]

2 April 2002 (Tuesday)

ping

Someday is today.

Also, I have no arms. First day back in weight training will do that to you. Shampooing afterwards was a heroic act.

Joey is irked that I haven't called. Fair enough. Hell, it irritates me that I'm so poor at keeping up with friends. Why do I have this notion that all my friendships are ultimately transient? That's taking the long view a little too far, I think.

For lunch today: spinach salad with cottage cheese and tomatoes, and a serving of rice and black beans. I swear, I was craving the stuff. Walked right past the deep-fried whathaveyous. The body is fascinating thing.

Do you really mean that?
I do mean it.
I'm going to ask you that one day, you know.
And one day I'm going to have the answer.

posted by enjelani @ 02:49 PM PST [ link ]

1 April 2002 (Monday)

a bumpkin's two cents

Oh, come on. Do we really think we can get away with backing Israel in this whole mess? Haven't we learned anything?

I think Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad has it right, or at least as right as someone can be in such grim situations. If you're going to point fingers, point fingers at all people who kill civilians for political causes, whether it's an army, a cult, or a single desperate person who's a civilian himself. Lump them all together and call them all terrorists. There's no other place to draw the line.

To be fair, I hadn't the foggiest what the U.S. should actually do after September 11th, though I groaned with the rest of the bleeding-heart liberals as I listened to Dubya and Rumsfeld pontificate. It's easy enough to shoot down someone's course of action without coming up with a real alternative. To do nothing would have been disaster, certainly. To do something, however...well, we're figuring that out now as we go, I guess. Frightening, but I could scarcely have done better if I were calling the shots. And I don't know how to solve this new debacle either.

I do know that pissing off the entire Arab world isn't going to cut it, though.

posted by enjelani @ 06:56 PM PST [ link ]

misty morning

Dropped Dad off at the airport this morning at 7:30. I'd forgotten what early morning mist feels like....that strange mix of comfort and profound isolation. Sometimes I really pine for New England, which is a tad silly, since I've never been there more than a few days at a time. I've over-romanticized it in my head, I'm sure. But I've been wanting to see brick-building streets and wind-weathered grayness lately, as delighted as I am with the headiness of a West Coast spring. Beauty of the sunshiny sort comes a little too easily here.

I have resolved to go to the gym all five days this week. I'm fed up with feeling like a sack of jelly with fingers. The occasional hike and the occasional chopstick fencing match with Emmett is all well and good, but an investment in my longevity requires a bit more discipline. I want to be able to dance when I'm 65.

It's as though I'm descending a rope into a deep, dark well...sometimes I wonder whether I should stop, start climbing up before it gets any harder to turn back. But I keep going down, in hopes that someday my feet will touch something solid, something I can stand on. I can't see a thing but I'm hoping it's there.

posted by enjelani @ 08:51 AM PST [ link ]