9 August 2002 (Friday)

deep thought of the day

"Refuse service," when printed on the side of a Port-A-Potty, means something rather different from "refuse service" printed on signs in restaurants.

I do not like this press kit thing. It reeks of ego and of spam. It's yucky work; I'd rather sing. I do not like it, Sam I Am.

posted by enjelani @ 12:05 PM PST [ link ]

be not proud

There is a sliding scale between arrogance and humility. To have some of both is crucial; the trick lies in knowing where you belong on the spectrum at any given time. When down on your luck, have more of the self-confidence than the self-deprecation. When the wind blows your way, the opposite applies.

I spent the latter part of the afternoon and most of the evening talking to a dear old friend, with whom I haven't had a real in-depth conversation since we were, oh, let's see, sixteen? (We met in fifth grade; he was on the playground with me at recess when I got the news of Liz's birth.) There was a bit of catching up to do, needless to say. He also proposed a delightful idea: just as there are licenses for driving, he said, there need to be "limelight licenses." Once you achieve a certain degree of recognition in your chosen field, you're required to take a character test. If you are found to be overly self-absorbed, to neglect your loved ones, to snub the people who helped get you where you are, to believe that the universe revolves around you, or are prone to any on-the-job behavior unbefitting a professional of your caliber -- you fail the exam, you don't get a limelight license, and your career goes no further. "There are just too many divas and egomaniacs at the top," he said. He should know; he's an actor working in L.A.

I miss Soren. Traveling is one thing; living close by and both being too busy to see one another is something else again. I got ten minutes with him tonight in a crowded noisy place, which only made it worse. But I'll adjust, I'm sure.

posted by enjelani @ 02:20 AM PST [ link ]

6 August 2002 (Tuesday)

i know! i'll make a sculpture!

The burning question of the moment is: what to do with a boxful of business cards, bearing my name and the logo of a company I no longer work for?

Maybe I'll stand at my third-story window and drop them, fluttering, on bewildered passers-by below.

My houseplants are visibly startled at how often I'm around these days. More specifically, they are visibly startled at the regularity of their waterings. They hardly know what to do with themselves. One has sprouted a flower and keeps trying to kiss me as I walk by.

Someday, I imagine, I'll post something meaningful and contemplative about this whole job-switch thing, from cubiclism to following a dream, from high tax bracket to below the poverty line. I'll have paragraphs musing on how exhilarating it is to devote all my time to what I love to do; how frightening it is to have no structure in my life, except that which I impose through my own discipline; how lovely it is to spend the day outside, walking for miles in a beautiful city; how lonely this existence already seems. But for now, dear readers, I'm afraid that run-on sentence is all I can offer. It's time for bed.

posted by enjelani @ 11:55 PM PST [ link ]

imposing form on formlessness

"The trick," says Soren, "is to think of Mondays as Mondays, Tuesdays as Tuesdays, and so on. And equally important: to think of Saturdays as Saturdays."

posted by enjelani @ 12:48 PM PST [ link ]

5 August 2002 (Monday)

minor discoveries

A-HA!

There is hope yet. My bar stool is the wrong height for this desk, which means I get a backache after hunching over my laptop for more than fifteen minutes. I can take the laptop elsewhere, of course, but then I lose the internet connection. Serendipitous, yes indeed.

City living is messing with my head. I went for a walk/run to the top of the hill behind my apartment this morning, and there is something a tad surreal about a strenuous two-mile hike that ends in a panoramic view of...buildings.

Also, incontrovertible evidence that I am actually dating my father: in the space of twenty-four hours this past weekend, both Dad and Soren said, "It's like Rushmore. Have you seen it? Oh, that's a great movie." There you go, ladies and gentlemen. Rock solid proof.

posted by enjelani @ 10:23 AM PST [ link ]