22 February 2002 (Friday)
D & D
Because I cannot resist personality questionnaires:
I Am A: Neutral Good Elf Ranger Druid
Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.
Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently conccern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existence.
Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.
Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.
Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan
posted by enjelani @ 03:34 PM PST [ link ]
E & S converse
Self-help moves to counseling...
S: Things seem to be getting pretty crazy for you.
E: Yeah. I think there are people who could handle it, though.
S: What do you mean?
E: I mean people who thrive on this much activity. Me, it just tires me out. I guess I'm not equipped for it.
S: I think you're equipped just fine for it. I think you're brilliant.
E: Hm.
S: And I love you.
E: [smile]
S: And I worry about you.
E: I worry about me too.
S: I worry that you may lose sight of what it's all about. Happiness isn't about arriving somewhere.
E: Because arriving just marks the start of something new.
S: Exactly. So it's the whole thing. The planning, the doing. What happens along the way. If you're not enjoying that, what's the point?
E: I owe it to myself to see what I'm capable of.
S: But you also owe you yourself. You see what I'm saying? Ambitions are a part of life; they're not life itself. More than anything else, you owe it to yourself to live.
E: I know. But at the same time, nothing worth having comes easily, and it shouldn't.
S: Of course.
E: I just don't know where the line is. How do you know when the negative stuff is just part of the package, part of the price you pay for what you want, and when it's a sign that something's wrong? How can you tell when it's not worth it anymore?
posted by enjelani @ 02:06 PM PST [ link ]
21 February 2002 (Thursday)
self-help
Pardon me while I browse around my virtual self-help bookstore.
- Only a small fraction of my ideas and plans will ever be realized. This is okay. It's a good thing, really. It means long-term boredom is impossible.
- I am meant to walk through life, not to run. I can only go at full speed for so long before stopping to catch my breath. Pace thyself.
- When the downward spiral begins, focus on the tiny moments of beauty. Eat a strawberry. Drink water. Run around in the sun. Stare up at trees. Call home and have a good laugh with Mom. Make time for these things; they are what will cure me.
- Everything is part of the journey. Frustration, peace, depression, ecstasy, loneliness, everything. Note that true happiness is impossible without suffering -- there is no light without dark. Contrast, my dear, contrast.
- For God's sake, I'm only 23. Give it time.
There, now I feel all warm and fuzzy. Off to restructure my framework code!
posted by enjelani @ 02:18 PM PST [ link ]
20 February 2002 (Wednesday)
linkslinkslinks
It just occurred to me that I'm being dreadfully unfashionable by having such a low link-to-blather ratio here at the last embassy. All the popular people sprinkle their entries with links to all manner of interesting things, with handy little excerpts to get you hooked. It's a conspiracy, I tell you. I'll never get cured of websurfing this way.
Am I being bitterly sarcastic or genuinely fretful? Neither and both, really. Hell, it's just a blog.
But seriously, here's something that's got my brain doing flip-flops (or gigaflops, if I may be geeky), and to which I'd post an article in response if I were more adept at the whole thoughts-to-words transition:
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posted by enjelani @ 07:35 PM PST [ link ]
the name
Enjelani is actually the name of a girl in one of my private sci-fi/fantasy epics. It'll never get written down, because I'm a lousy fiction writer and a worse God, and one does need a taste for divinity in one's imagination to write sci-fi/fantasy books worth reading. Tolkien, Zelazny, Le Guin, Card, Simmons...all the good authors play God in their own way, and picking up one of their books is enough to make me swear never to humiliate myself with a feeble attempt at their art. Enjelani's story is a series of doodles in a sketchpad at best. I don't intend to ever make it a painting.
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posted by enjelani @ 04:09 PM PST [ link ]
19 February 2002 (Tuesday)
bravado
I've been designated a mentor for one of the new hires here at work. There are two newbies, actually, and the other's (future) mentor is currently out of town, so I'm babysitting them both. Not that either of them needs much babysitting. So far I've just sent them a long email with descriptions of our lab setup, how to create views in the version control system, that sort of thing. I think the woman I'm mentoring actually knows a lot more than I do. She has that self-possessed air about her.
Responsibility always makes my heart jump a little. I guess I always assume that the people who gave me the task have overestimated me somehow, that they have an inaccurate picture of my capabilities and I'm bound to let them down. I mean, come on, a mentor? Who thought I was smart or experienced enough to mentor someone? What if she asks me about stuff I haven't the faintest clue about? Taking charge of something tends to scare the bejeezus out of me. At least initially.
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posted by enjelani @ 02:40 PM PST [ link ]