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19 February 2002 (Tuesday): bravado

I've been designated a mentor for one of the new hires here at work. There are two newbies, actually, and the other's (future) mentor is currently out of town, so I'm babysitting them both. Not that either of them needs much babysitting. So far I've just sent them a long email with descriptions of our lab setup, how to create views in the version control system, that sort of thing. I think the woman I'm mentoring actually knows a lot more than I do. She has that self-possessed air about her.

Responsibility always makes my heart jump a little. I guess I always assume that the people who gave me the task have overestimated me somehow, that they have an inaccurate picture of my capabilities and I'm bound to let them down. I mean, come on, a mentor? Who thought I was smart or experienced enough to mentor someone? What if she asks me about stuff I haven't the faintest clue about? Taking charge of something tends to scare the bejeezus out of me. At least initially.

Apparently you'd never know it from watching me, though. I do cultivate my shrug-and-grin response to assignments; I try to exude that "sure, I can do that" attitude. The kind of girl who cheerfully rolls up her sleeves and rises to the occasion. I guess I'm glad the image sells, as it were -- people do believe I'm the confident able type, and they do place their trust in me a lot. It's only the close friends who're privy to my inner trembling. And readers of online journals, now.

A morsel of comfort: I suspect there are a lot of people like me out there.

posted by enjelani @ 02:40 PM PST