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15 February 2002 (Friday): words

I'm having a fit of self-consciousness about this whole online journal thing. Figuring I should post something today; suddenly wondering whether I should make a concerted effort to be interesting. Realizing that, in real life, making concerted efforts to be interesting have backfired considerably in the past. Pondering the people who actually read this thing, and what keeps them coming back. Blinking at how commercially entrepreneurial my train of thought has become. Deciding I need a drink of water.

There are some chunky words in that paragraph. It must be from hanging out with Lenny today. He used the phrase "scintillating spectacle of oratory" on the way to the company meeting this afternoon, which made me laugh pretty hard. "Loquacious pontificiation," I offered back, and we rallied for a while.

Well, I seem to have tied myself in a Chinese knot. Here's something from my private diary, then, from a while ago.

5:28 pm

I was worried about you driving all the way back in the rain, he said.
It wasn't raining in San Diego.
Yeah, well, I didn't know that.

I smiled and lay my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Try not to die, he said suddenly. Please.
We all die someday, I said.
I know. But not yet. Don't go yet.
Why?
Because.

Silence.

Because you give me hope for happy endings, he said finally. That's why.
What's an ending?
Well, I guess that's the thing, isn't it? Every ending is a beginning.
So you want the beginnings.
Right.
That's a good reason, I said.

posted by enjelani @ 04:53 PM PST