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16 November 2002 (Saturday): stamps of approval

I think I offended my former boss yesterday, without meaning to. Perhaps "offended" is the wrong word. He kept looking at me as though I was about to pull a knife on him, or do unconscionable things to his firstborn child. Hell, I was just returning a DSL router and some manuals. I'd unearthed them from my closet, put them in my car, and eventually found myself in the neighborhood of ol' Job #1 Office, at which point I decided to park and see whether I could page someone to come down to get them. Maybe he was acting on behalf of the company in general, who in the job-as-relationship analogy is now my ex. Returning stuff to one's ex is never pleasant. Was that it? I don't know. He asked me for leads on recording studios where his daughter might make a demo tape, gave a brief summary of the current projects at work, and expressed about as much polite interest in my goings-on as someone might if he were pretending not to hate me. It was surreal.

In any case, it drove home the uncomfortable realization that, on some levels, I want desperately to be liked. Disapproval just kills me. Criticism strikes me at the very core. It's stupid; I shouldn't place so much weight on the judgments of others, especially when the negative ones, statistically speaking, are far outweighed by the positive ones anyway. It's sort of funny to observe how quickly I come to doubt myself when someone expresses displeasure with the way I act, even when I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything wrong. It could just as easily be his problem, not mine.

But then, he's gonna be writing my recommendation if I ever apply to grad school. Grrr.

This is, of course, a test. A thick skin is a requirement in my chosen line of work. Better I develop it now than later.

posted by enjelani @ 03:49 PM PST

Replies: 3 comments

Uh....I dunno, I suspect his reaction was due to two things:

A) He was shocked to see you, since you fled the whole regular workin world for the more entertaining-but-less-stable job deux....
B) Nobody returns DSL routers.

Ever.

Not even to the phone company.

I need to go back to sleep.

posted by Gaudior @ 17 11 2002 10:34 AM PST

I know... it seems that, except for those blessed/cursed with overweening/confident self-acceptance, the search for acceptance is never satisfied.

You certainly wouldn't be alone in feeling that. Disapproval from a friend is much harder to deal with than random criticism from a compelte stranger; the closer the acquaintance, the harder the deal.

It's easy enough to flip off another rude driver in traffic. The employer-employee relationship, being unequal to begin with, can make for discomfort in disapproval in a semi-excusable way. Even if it's an ex-employer.

With a friend, where the empathy and relationship is supposed to be mutual, criticism cuts all the way to the bone. (If you're really thick-skinned, though, it's often hard to get that equal a friendship in the first place.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is: 1) umm... it could be worse? and/or 2) you ought not to feel too bad about being sensitive within the bounds of reason. A certain amount of sensitivity seems vital to your chosen line of work :)

posted by m. mellow @ 18 11 2002 01:07 AM PST

You should see the looks I get (kinda of like dating your roomate, breaking up, and continuing to live together through forced circumstance).

posted by uslennar @ 02 12 2002 09:44 PM PST