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14 November 2002 (Thursday): one world, with drama

It's interesting to be a member of such a self-conscious generation. I grew up knowing the language of psychiatry, or at least the slang it translated into. Being aware of one's emotional issues doesn't necessarily make them any easier to deal with, but I find it amusing to have a quasi-objective view of one's own psyche. Instant out-of-body experience. Laughing at yourself crying.

There's been a lot of crying around here of late, for various reasons. There's been a lot of warm happy silence too though, a lot of grinning and gratitude, so it all balances out. It's the season of extremes, I suppose.

Last week I found myself in a Buddhist temple high above the city, listening to a sage speak about love and relationships. There was much talk of completion of the individual, of absolute self-sufficiency, of romantic love as an act of mutual charity rather than a mutual need. Some parts made sense. The danger of projection, of seeing another person as an object to fit into the mold you're carrying in your head, is real enough. Certainly attractiveness and neediness are inversely related. And a relationship is bound to fare better when both people are comfortable with their own vulnerability.

But I can't say that all of Buddhist teachings resonate with me (what I understand of them, anyway). I have no interest in eliminating desire and suffering. I'm interested in experiencing them, reveling in them, learning from them, understanding them. Maybe the objective in Buddhism is to do that, and then to transcend them, leaving behind their capacity for destruction. Noble, to be sure. A world of enlightened beings would be terribly idyllic. Call it selfish if you want, but I want my world with drama.

I will now become a broken record: Soren is one of the great miracles in my brief little existence. He's been more than a little involved in the reasons-for-crying recently, but never as the source to blame, always the one lighting the path out of darkness. Thank you, S.

posted by enjelani @ 11:57 PM PST

Replies: 1 comment

grab a book on Tantric Buddhism. i think it sort of does what you want. :)

posted by zach @ 15 11 2002 07:55 PM PST