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16 July 2002 (Tuesday): negativity

I'm in one of those states where my lower lip is constantly trembling, or threatening to.

It is my current theory that I have a touch of schizophrenia. A whole parade of people live in my head, not all of them friendly; maybe one of these days something will set them off and they'll come tumbling down into my so-called real world. There's one that I've locked out of the house but she's pounding the door and screaming at me right now, muffled through the wood and paint but certainly there, impossible to ignore. This morning she had me cornered and was bitch-slapping me across the face. It hurt. I don't always know how to fight back, or even if I'm suppposed to.

I'll be damned if she succeeds at whatever she's trying to do, though. She single-handedly destroyed a lot of Zach's trust in me, back when we were together. No way in hell I'm going to let that kind of thing happen again.

On a related note, Soren is my hero. Wonders never cease in knowing this man.

Sorry to be so melodramatic on a Tuesday morning. I'm just tired and hungry and already homesick for Tennessee, that's all.

posted by enjelani @ 11:44 AM PST

Replies: 2 comments

I have a few "others" in my head, too, and gradually we are coming to terms. It gets easier. I promise. At least you know that they are there.

Come visit. I'll drawl at you. Will that help?

posted by Moonpuddle @ 16 07 2002 05:23 PM PST

hey, i have some risperdal if you want some. and some old haldol if you prefer the old "atom bomb" of antipsychotics.

posted by dardi! @ 16 07 2002 06:51 PM PST