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30 April 2002 (Tuesday): state of suspension

Right now home feels like it's split into four places: old apartment, new apartment, work, and my parents' house. For practical purposes this is hell, since my bills are in one place and my stamps in another, and so on. For spiritual purposes this is wonderful. I get the distinct sense that there is nothing material that truly belongs to me, and that I belong no place but exactly where I am at any given moment.

My cell phone also ran out of juice mid-afternoon yesterday, and the charger was one of those items sitting safely in an undisclosed (or at least unrecalled) location. So I was totally cut off from the wireless network for the first time in almost a year, since I first got the thing. Life went on without the cell. This was useful to remember.

My mind remains a mystery to me. Work is as stressful as ever; a few personal relationships are still strained; my roommates are having trouble finding a replacement for me and need me to help; I am due for a bout of PMS; I've spent far more money than I meant to these past few weeks; I am tired and hungry and bruised all over from carrying bookshelves up three flights of stairs. And I have never been happier. Mystery.

posted by enjelani @ 10:47 PM PST