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4 February 2002 (Monday): flesh and bone

It's impressive how bad I am about taking care of my body. I hunch over, I stare at screens for hours on end, I forget to eat lunch and sometimes dinner as well. I spend weeks at a stretch not moving, essentially, just going from bed to driver's seat to office chair and back again in the evening. It's as though I live mostly in my head, engaged in mental activities, and my physical being is a sort of afterthought. I don't think this is the way things are meant to work.

There was a popular email forward a few years back, one that eventually was made into a radio single. You know, the one that started with "wear sunscreen." (For the record, it was a column in the Chicago Tribune by Mary Schmich, not a speech by Kurt Vonnegut as a lot of the forwards claimed.) Anyway, I remember one part of it in particular: Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. When I read that my body sort of tugged on my sleeve, metaphorically speaking. "Um, yeah," it said. "Please. Use me."

I used to dance a lot. Ever since junior prom in high school, when I suddenly realized that all this teenage cliquishness and insecurity was bullshit, and it didn't matter whether I looked like a dork when I danced, I've loved walking out onto the floor and just letting the music take me over for a while. In general it's the times I've used my body, really existed in it rather than just sort of carrying it around, that I've felt most alive: climbing boulders, laughing hysterically, swimming upstream, making love. The sensory is as important as the intellectual. So I wonder why I'm reluctant to get out there and move. Or -- since I don't think it's actually reluctance -- why it simply doesn't happen more often.

Maybe I'll become a park ranger.

What kinds of jobs these days involve physical movement as well as mental challenges? Something that engages both the body and the brain? I need to find me one of those.

posted by enjelani @ 12:39 PM PST

Replies: 1 comment

Reading your journal is annoying, in a cool sorta insightful jealous way ;)

I read your journal, and outside of the obvious PMS entries and stuff, I feel like I could've written so much of it. It's odd. I don't always notice it so much in your newer entries (I think because they've tended towards the philosophical lately, rather than the overtly introspective... Wow, that sounded impressive), but since i've started reading all your old entries, I can totally appreciate what you're saying on many many levels.

Just odd and cool running into someone who can put into words what i've often felt.

Hope you don't take this in a stalker sorta way, but you da woman!

Write on ;)

posted by syndromes @ 04 07 2002 11:56 PM PST