4 September 2002 (Wednesday)

time out

There's a certain hour of the evening -- it shifts, depending -- when sheer loneliness takes over. Outside buses are passing, teenagers are shouting their gossip against the rising wind. I don't remember seeing the streetlights come on but there they are, milky orange, perforating the darkness at regular intervals. My sink is full of dishes, there are papers everywhere, and the world never seemed so bereft of meaning and companionship.

The hour passes, like everything else. The connotations mutate. I roll up my sleeves and hum as the pots and pans come clean. Life is good again.

It seems the lesson this time 'round is paradoxes. How to be relaxed through discipline. How to fly through the to-do list and savor time, slowly. How to be freewheelingly creative and also organized, compartmentalized, scheduled, prompt. How to be an open-minded person standing firm for her beliefs. How to trust that someone will love you, all the more in fact, for showing a side of yourself not worth loving. How to let go for now, in order to hold on for good.

posted by enjelani @ 11:34 PM PST [ link ]