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6 July 2003 (Sunday): maybe it's the humidity

Settling into a new (temporary) residence at the moment. There are fireflies and cicadas here. The landlord was oddly apologetic in his description of the neighborhood: it's not a bad neighborhood by any means, he kept saying, it's a very pleasant place really, I feel quite safe when I'm there, I really do. I was bracing myself for something vaguely crackhouse-like in atmosphere, but it's very respectable little house on a quiet street of respectable little houses. Everyone I've waved to so far has returned the gesture, with a friendly "hello." Everyone is also black. Maybe that's what the landlord was trying to say. I wonder if he's racist, or whether he thought I might be.

I've spent the past several weeks feeling, at times, confused and a bit scared -- not only do I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, but it seems like nobody else does either. I have that sneaking suspicion that we're all participating in the decline of a civilization, a slow erosion that no one can diagnose for certain until the damage is done. A bout of depression in the collective unconscious. I don't know what to do about it except push it aside, and carry on.

Then again, it is that time of month, and the pressure's on at work. Maybe that's all it is.

posted by enjelani @ 08:53 PM PST

Replies: 6 comments

No, I think you're probably right. I just hope we pull out of it before really permanent damage is done.

Fireflies! :) Yay!

But yes, the all-black neighborhood will carry associations of crime and drugs, regardless of the reality. Not necessarily racist, just prejudiced.

posted by zach @ 06 07 2003 09:59 PM PST

Hmmm - sounds like New Project Anxiety to me. The best cure is to DO whatever you would be doing were you in the groove you are seeking. 'Get the adrenaline pumping and your mind focused, you know? Even if it means throwing away lots of work along the way. 'Next thing you know, you're in the groove again and it's happiness. But you knew that already.

Civilization on the decline? Perhaps so. But if we just manage the next two years without blowing the planet to smithereens, I'll be pretty happy! :-D

Fireflies are a definite bonus!

posted by bill @ 06 07 2003 11:52 PM PST

"Undoubtedly it will do no good whatever to repeat that we hold the classical American faith in politics and economics -- believing in the Rights of Man, personal liberty, and private property. We are aware that all those desirable things are damaged at present; well, they didn't exist at all until they were created and fought for, and they can be restored if people want them." -- Isabel Paterson (1933).

Whenever I'm distressed by the decline of civilization, I find these words particularly inspiring. When everything you believe in is being undermined, think back to a world in which it had never existed. Think of the human spirit that, in that dark world, rose to create it. And think of people who, in times more depressing than ours, did not give up hope.

posted by beefeater @ 07 07 2003 11:25 PM PST

ah, hello my friends. :)

good point, beefeater. i often find myself returning to a similar conclusion: it is an imperfect world, and it always has been and never will be otherwise. striving for perfection is all we can and should do, with full knowledge that we will never achieve it. we've come a long way by aiming high. that's worth something.

even if humankind is doomed, i would much rather be someone who fights against that supposed inevitability. i'd like to be one of the lights that go out when the darkness comes.

posted by enjelani @ 08 07 2003 09:53 AM PST

"i'd like to be one of the lights that go out when the darkness comes."

Yikes.

(I say that because it's quite an image and it kinda resonates so much ... a little too much.)

posted by Zach @ 08 07 2003 11:47 AM PST

The concept of Social Entropy invokes an apropos structure.

There really are a lot of interesting mappings to the physical and information theory entropies we all know and love.

Actually, I think it would be a privilege to be left standing as a source of light in the world until the final whack - if it comes down to such a dramatic ending.

posted by bill @ 09 07 2003 01:01 AM PST