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16 May 2003 (Friday): and unto this world

The biggest challenge that lies ahead of me, in this (thus far) charmed existence, is probably parenthood. Sometimes I think I have no business becoming a mother, seeing as I have so much growing up of my own left to do. Also, being in the midst of a rather self-absorbed period of my life, it's hard to fathom the notion of focusing so much energy on another human being. It seems I can hardly keep my current daily itinerary under control; how am I going to manage another's?

I ask my own mother about this once, and she shrugged. "You learn. When new sources of stress come along, you struggle with it, and then you adapt. And eventually it all becomes no more stressful than your life was in the beginning. You used to cry over a two-page book report, remember?"

I do remember, and I recall something else: work always seems to expand to fill the time allotted. When I have all day to do laundry, it takes all day. When I have two hours, it takes two hours. Maybe things will just get supercompressed when I add spoon feedings and Little League practices to the mix. Maybe certain things will drop off the list, as they always do, and I will learn to shrug, as Mom has.

Strange, too, realizing that such possibilities are so much more immediate than they once were. A handful of years, at most. Not so long ago they seemed as distant as retirement.

posted by enjelani @ 10:43 PM PST

Replies: 5 comments

Old Irish proverb: "That which can be done at any time will be done in no time at all."

Which is another way to concur with your observations on how your daily activities tend to expand into the time you have to spare.

Before adopting my dog and commiting to my admittedly-insane schedule with my canine search-and-rescue team, I could never have imagined any living being depending on me, *utterly*, for his existence. Not to mention the responsibilities that come with being on-call for S&R operations and the sort of time-juggling that it demands.

I don't know if it is in you can find comfort in the knowledge that human are an amazingly adaptive species (capable of rapidly re-prioritizing our lives in response to new dependents and responsibilities), but I certainly do.

Your thoughtful and measured personality (what you've chosen to reveal, in any event! :) ) gives every indication that you would excel at mothering. I suspect it's more the fear of the unknown, rather than actual dread of incompetence, that haunts you.

Fair warning, tho - from what I hear from friends who are parents, these fears will will continue to haunt you long after your children are born, however wonderful they may turn out. :)

Time for the morning run. Great entry, Enjelani.

posted by pjammer @ 18 05 2003 08:18 AM PST

Be not afraid of becoming a bad parent: Be afraid of how many other dreams you may have to give up to become a good one.

posted by beefeater @ 18 05 2003 12:27 PM PST

Well, to relate in my own strange way, I keep telling friends (and myself) who are fearful of moving due to lack of a job the same thing:

"Just move! Once you force yourself to be in that situation, you'll make ends meet one way or another."

So i'm sure if/when you pop one out of the oven, you'll be able to handle it :)

And yumm... breast feeding. Ain't nothing wrong with that ;)

posted by syndromes @ 23 05 2003 10:23 PM PST

I don't see any reason to fear the loss of dreams just to make oneself into a good parent. Sacrifices, to be sure. But anyone can hold dreams and sacrifices in one hand while sharing them with the ones you love.

posted by Glenn @ 25 05 2003 11:32 PM PST

syndromes, did you just use the words "yumm" and "breast feeding" in the same sentence!?

hahahaha!

posted by echeng @ 26 05 2003 09:12 PM PST