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8 November 2002 (Friday): the dull hum

Ever have one of those days where you feel like the world's biggest wimp? I just worked diligently for a little less than two hours, calling people, updating documents, replying to emails, researching leads, and now I feel like whimpering. "This is so haaaaard...I want my mommmmy..."

Here's my problem: in adult life, there is never closure. I used to sprint for the finish line when I knew there was one; I didn't mind working my ass off in school, when I knew exactly what the end goal was. But I'm not hammering away at a final exam or project here, after which I can close the books and go home for the holidays. A career -- a life, too -- is an ongoing process, a neverending queue of items to tackle. Things come up, come due, and lead to six other things that come up and come due. It's never as intense as an end-of-semester deadline, and maybe that's exactly what I miss: the stark contrast of stress and relaxation. These days it's settled to a dull hum, a little of both at every hour of the day. Two years out of school and I'm still not used to it.

Eventually I will adjust, I'm sure. Will have to.

Oh, I know why I'm cranky. I haven't eaten yet today. Scratch that, I just need some minestrone soup.

posted by enjelani @ 04:44 PM PST