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25 July 2002 (Thursday): conversations with the past

Every now and again I'll try to have a little hologram-chat with myself from ten years past, or five, or nineteen. It's usually pretty unproductive -- sad to say, I can't really remember what I was like when I was thirteen, much less four. It usually turns into a kind of congratulatory ritual, wherein my past self gets to be impressed with my present self, and my present self feels a little better about whatever it is she's doing.

And sometimes it's just boring.

- Huh.
- What?
- You have short hair.
- Yeah, what do you think?
- Um. It's okay, I guess.
- You were hoping for heidi-braids?
- Yeah! Those little braids that cross over on top of your head.
- With starflowers. Right, I remember this phase now.
- But you cut it all off, huh.
- I did the heidi-braids with starflowers for a while. It got old. Lots of bobby pins to worry about.
- Oh. So what do you do now?
- I'm a software engineer.
- Not a doctor?
- Nope. Stopped out of premed my second year in college.
- ...oh.
- And I was a history minor.
- But you don't...but I don't even like history!
- It gets better once you get past the memorizing-dates stuff. Trust me. It's all about human interactions...the way civilizations get built and how they collapse, how ordinary people get caught up in the grand sweep of things...how people can be essentially the same, and yet so different, through the distance of generations...
- Now you sound like Dad.
- Sorry.
- Hey...what happens to me and Howard?
- Howard?
- You know, Howard? From piano lessons?
- Oh, him. Ahh...the guy you've got a crush on right now.
- Shhh! [turns pink]
- Heheh. Well, hate to break it to ya, kid, but nothing happens. You get over it. He's not your type, anyway; he grows up to move to Manhattan to become a venture capitalist, and he parties a lot.
- Oh. What's a venture captullis?
- Never mind.

posted by enjelani @ 04:33 PM PST

Replies: 4 comments

Mine are much shorter. And generally not so pleasant ;)

- You sure are weird.
- You were weirder.
- Yeah. But we both knew we had no idea how things were going to turn out, right?
- True enough. But I thought it would turn out less...
- less random, right?
- Yeah. It... takes a lot of explaning. I can't imagine how we turned out the way we did. So far, anyway.
- I can't believe you're me. I mean, you're better in some ways, but...
- yeah. Even more of a mess in others.
- But you look happier.
- Yeah. I am. No offense, but if I had my life to live over...
- ...you sure wouldn't be me all over again, right?
- You bet. No offense.
- none taken. *turns to leave* At least you're not as weak as you used to be. *pause* I know you'd like me to leave, but I can't really. Ever. You know that, right?
- No. It's not that I really want you to leave - though in a lot of ways, it'd make things easier. But you keep me honest. That alone makes you worth remembering.
- I'm glad. I'm sorry it couldn't all be good.
- I know. It's okay. *Hug*
- What was that for?
- You needed it. You always did.
- I can see that you still need it, too. *Hug*

posted by m. mellow @ 25 07 2002 08:43 PM PST

wow.

posted by enjelani @ 25 07 2002 08:51 PM PST

enj, yours made me want to laugh.

mellow yellow, yours made me want to cry.

my brain is ping-ponging spastically between the dichotomy of them and strugglin...

But more appropriate words have never been spoken...

"I can see that you still need it, too. *Hug*"

Hugs help a *lot* ... Gawd damn, I still just have this lingering feeling to latch onto someone, wrap my arms around them as much as I can, and hold tight for a long long time.

Don't know ya mellow, but, ermm... Hullo :)

posted by syndromes @ 25 07 2002 11:01 PM PST

hello :)

posted by m. mellow @ 27 07 2002 11:46 PM PST