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22 July 2002 (Monday): thunderheads in my living room

My, aren't we in a state this morning.

I have this recurring disease wherein a bout of quasi-schizophrenia coincides with PMS, resulting in emotional wrecked-ness with a bit of insanity thrown in. Some side effects include
hypochondria ("Nausea! I feel nausea! I'm gonna die!"), general sloth and a remarkable level of self-absorption. My ego feels like condensed milk.

However, I am coming around to dogs. The puppy left bite marks in my elbow and holes in my sweater this morning, but she is a lovely creature. She is currently fascinated with cars backing out of driveways; she sits attentively down on the pavement and her ears perk up as the vehicle comes rumbling out. And she's very pretty to watch when she breaks into a run.

Ah, see, that's the ticket. Think about something else. Snap out of yourself and your little downward spiral.

Another buoying thought: AB 1493 gets signed into law in California today, which will require reduction of greenhouse gas emissions from automobiles by 2009.

Unfortunately this is counterbalanced by our dear President's withholding of $34 million from the UNFPA, the United Nations' family planning program. In my high school and college years I had a Unified Theory of the World's Problems, which was that there are too damn many people on this planet. If there were fewer of us, so much of what plagues us wouldn't even be an issue. And to me the solution seemed so simple: don't bring in so many new people. We don't have to kill anyone, we just have to stop creating so many. But I am older now, and while I'm not exactly jaded, I realize that convincing people not to have another child is about the most complicated and uphill endeavor any activist could hope to take on, and morally questionable if it's anything other than education on the available options. Still, it's worth a shot, and their fundraisers always get a check from me.

I was up too late last night re-reading Orson Scott Card's The Worthing Saga. There's a ritual called "floating the stone," which involves emptying one's mind and taking on the mind of another person, temporarily; one can only survive the experience if the two minds are enough alike. One character, Faith, floats the stone and takes on the mind of Adam, the unspeakably cruel tyrant who rules her world -- and lives. I've been wondering how much evil can live within me, how much darkness, how much indifference to another's suffering. I'm not sure I want to know.

No sunniness for me today it seems. That's all right. Weather patterns.

posted by enjelani @ 10:58 AM PST

Replies: 5 comments

I think the Earth's axis has tilted a few degrees towards phooked up.

The last few weeks have been pretty shitty for everyone around me for whatever reason. The one thing times like this do is pull me closer to everyone I care about, so there's a silver lining for ya ;)

But i'm burnt on having to deal with such weighty issues all the time. Luckily i'm finding solace during the weekends enough to recharge me to some degree, but yah... rough times be making their rounds lately :(

We must all be due for some REALLY good times ahead ;)

posted by syndromes @ 22 07 2002 09:42 PM PST

Sounds like a great book! Does the puppy have a name yet?

posted by Moonpuddle @ 22 07 2002 10:29 PM PST

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