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23 May 2002 (Thursday): disorderly list
- These sudden flashes of...of what? The Fear? Death? Dark epiphany? Madness? Four or five seconds each: I slip out of myself and out of this reality, dissolving into an inward scream for something that was lost the moment I discovered it, that I can't get back. Twice yesterday, once this morning. They're terrifying, but I seem to welcome them too.
- Mayan hammocks: the only way to hang, dahling. I staked my claim on one on eBay today; it'll go in the alcove of the new apartment in lieu of a couch, so's I can read a book swinging high above the hubbub. Next project: getting the paint off the screws for the godawfulugly overhead lamps, so I can replace them with big paper lanterns. They painted over my toilet-paper holder too, the sillies.
- Sorry Joey, I am still mystified by the club/bar/lounge scene. Are social spots really so conducive to socializing? Loud music and visual distractions every-which-way seem like they interfere with genuine conversation, not enhance it. Ah well. I was happy to show off my new happenin' 'hood anyway. By the way, I agree: your man is the spitting image of Matt Damon. Goodness.
- When I am without a day job, maybe I'll take it upon myself to become a professional hugger. A warm-fuzzy whore. Maybe an online form or a toll-free phone line. We'll meet in a public place, maybe outside a restaurant or on the playground in the park. I can pretend we're long-lost friends if you want. I'll wrap my arms around you and remind you that humanity can be as simple as this, as a wordless hello that takes you for who you are, no more and no less. I'll only let go when you let go; then I'll smile, nod and walk on. That's so dangerous, they'll tell me; be careful, there are some real crazies out there. But love is never safe, now is it?
Synopsis of Oregon next post. I'm still re-acclimatizing.
posted by enjelani @ 04:17 PM PST
Replies: 2 comments
2 shekels
1. Have had that too, but always when waking up in the middle of the night. Doesn't go away for quite a bit longer. Might be different, though - combination of rage and all-around disgust with everything. If it's fear, it's defiant fear. Usually attribute it to a neurochemical imbalance caused by wrenching the psyche from an intermediate stage in the sleep cycle at an inopportune time. I try to go back to sleep.
2. Sounds delightful :)
3. I like socializing in smaller morsels, like cafe's and teahouses. Matter of personal taste and introspection.
4. That's gotta be an original thought :)
posted by m. mellow @ 23 05 2002 05:26 PM PST
Wow, I've had this lately too: "I slip out of myself and out of this reality". I describe it as 'a small tear in my reality'. I've never heard someone else talk about it before. Kinda been wondering what happens when there's a riiippp ;o). I put it down to not being centered enough of late.
posted by mark @ 29 05 2002 01:26 PM PST