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12 April 2002 (Friday): more off-the-cuff

There was a man in some kind of martial-arts clothing in the local mall parking lot tonight, practicing something. Others like me stopped to stare, and he ignored us all. His movements were swift and graceful, violent but always balanced; I couldn't decide whether he was dancing or sparring. Both, I suppose. Quite beautiful, all the more so for appearing in dim orange lamplight on a Friday evening in suburbia, between the Johnny Rockets and the McDonald's drive-thru.

I take too damn long to do everything.

I have come up for a rule of thumb for how I want to live my life: if my taxes are straightforward, something is wrong. If on the other hand I am tearing out clumps of hair come mid-April, I am well on my way.

What is it with these early afternoon meetings? Early afternoon is nap time. It's not like I want to sleep through everyone's PowerPoint presentations, honest. But trying to get me interested in architectural abstractions and marketing strategies post-luncheon is a lost cause.

There are some people who are made for certain drugs. The chemical stimulation works for them, giving them insight they might not have reached otherwise, and at the same time they know to use it sparingly, to respect the substance. I'm not one of them, but Soren is. Two nights ago he finally figured out what was wrong with his life and how he was going to fix it. And now he's fixing it. Choosing his path and walking it, every hour of the day. Very inspiring, this, and amusing in how completely opposite to the drug-user stereotype it is. Now if I can find a way to do that, minus the smoke rings...

I got an acceptance letter to the music school of my dreams today, with a partial scholarship. At least, it was the school of my dreams as of two years ago. I'm going to turn it down. Dreams change.

Exercise makes me vegetarian.

Joy does not equal happiness. It is acknowledging the sanctity of all experience. Today was made up of tiny incidents and actions and observations that comprise the complete ordinariness of day-to-day life, and when you look at them all under a microscope, it's the most amazing stuff. Even the phenomenon of being bored can be fascinating.

Interestingly enough, I learned that from Zach's father, whom I hardly know, and who thought his son and I should have stopped dating long before we did.

I reach out to you across pixels and cabling to touch my fingertips to yours. Sleep deeply, my friends, and be well.

posted by enjelani @ 11:15 PM PST