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25 February 2002 (Monday): just like sarah hughes
So I am jittery about this week. Have to be code-complete for this project at work. Have way too long a list of Things That Would Be Really Nice To Do And In Fact It Would Be Nice If They Were Mandatory, Since It Sucks Not To Have Them. Am suspecting I am neither ingenious nor industrious enough for the tasks at hand. As for job #2, I've got three and a half gigs this week, plus one meeting with Someone Important Who Could Really Help My Career Along If I Don't Screw This Up. Yay.
My family members, albeit very supportive in their own way, are not particularly sympathetic. "You have confidence issues," Emmett told me this weekend. My mother in turn offered the following: "You just need to be like Sarah Hughes. Not like Michelle Kwan. Just watching that figure skating, you could tell who had what it took inside and who didn't. The ones who're afraid are the ones who fall."
Thanks, Mom. I'll look around for my fearlessness switch and just flick it on. I'm sure it's here somewhere.
I am well aware that this is a test -- which I've set up for myself, come to think of it. How do I stand up to pressure? How do I deal with feeling overwhelmed and underqualified? It's not exactly fun being in this situation, but I'm really curious to see how it turns out. The thing is, deep down I know that I'm good. And that strength wants to be challenged, just as my body wants to break into a sprint or scale a rock face every now and then. Character is meaningless until it's used for something.
Fearlessness is not part of who I am. But I think rising to the occasion is.
posted by enjelani @ 05:16 PM PST
Replies: 1 comment
I do 180s all the time about what and who I am.
Some times I think I am one of the weakest people ever. Unable to solve my own problems, and wholy reliant upon my friends for self worth.
Other times i'm able to see that I have a hell of a lot to contribute and that I have something special within me, aching to get out and make a *true* difference in the world around me.
I wonder how much of each will turn out to be the truth ;)
posted by syndromes @ 07 07 2002 12:37 AM PST